I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
