shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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