I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
