I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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