I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
