He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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