I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
