dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She is in my trunk
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
