We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize