I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
