If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She needs sedatives and a leash
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
