on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
