Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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