She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
