You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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