apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
