i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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