Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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