cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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