i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Is it because I queefed?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
