booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
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