Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize