If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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