i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
