A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
