i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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