I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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