I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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