Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i need an iv and a liver transplant
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
