i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
