I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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