Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
