no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
