Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize