I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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