update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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