It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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