I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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