just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
