I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
