Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
