let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
