So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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