you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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