he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
