Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
