sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
