You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
