I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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