thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
