Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
