Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
