ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Four minutes until I can fart!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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