Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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