OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
