A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
