So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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