just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
