Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
