I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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