whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
