"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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