Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
