Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
