My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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