Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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