her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
