I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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