so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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