let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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