Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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