haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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