I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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