Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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