I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
