if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
