Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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