Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
