OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
