I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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