I think i peed on brittanys purse
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
