We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
