We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
