I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
