youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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