I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
