so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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