Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
