I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize