i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
