...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
