You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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