I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
