last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
we're so committed to being not committed
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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