Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
