you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
